I Still Believe.

X-Files-Revival

The X-Files are back and this girl couldn’t be happier.

Seriously, I’m giddy like a schoolgirl.

I was a little worried about the revival – what if it’s awful and sucks? Will it tarnish the 9 previous years of the show?

I was a HUGE fan of the show.  Back in medical school, I would have my friends over  every Sunday night to watch the show and there was only one rule – no one was allowed to talk until the commercials.  My friends respected my geekness, for the most part.

I even got a tattoo during medical school which exemplified my nerdiness and passion for The X-Files.  Yes, I am that much of a geek.

Nowadays with the Internet and spoilers I was very keen not to read anything about the revival.  I couldn’t even look at pictures from the set.  I got goosebumps as I waited for the first episode to start after that silly football game ran over time.  When I heard the opening theme music and credits roll I think I squealed in delight.

There was just something so magical about that show.  I loved the dynamic between the two leads. I loved that Scully was a doctor and a scientist. (I even named my cat after her.) My favorite episodes were always the mythology ones.  Don’t get me wrong, some of the best episodes were the “monster-of-the week”;  “Home” anyone?

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Even Scully, in last night’s episode, agrees with the audience that the monster-of-the-week cases were fun.

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But it was the underlying mythology of the show that really sucked me in.  Are we alone? Do aliens exist? Is the Government lying to us? What really happened to Mulder’s sister? What is the black oil?  Who is Krycek?

There’s only 3 more episodes left to air in this revival.  That can’t be the end!  The ratings are exploding with every new episode. There has to be more!!!!!

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Sympatico

“Hi Doc,” she said, in a hoarse voice.

“What brings you in today?”

“Wow, you sound terrible.  Are you sick?”

“Oh, you know, ’tis the season.” I cleared my throat, turned to cough in my elbow, then returned to the patient. “So, what’s going on with you today?”

“I lost my voice a few days ago and it’s just not getting better,” she said.

After a thorough exam, I diagnose resolving laryngitis.

“It’s a viral infection and will get better over the next 5-7 days.”

“Can you give me something to speed up the process?”  she implored me.

“No, I’m afraid not,” I said, turning to cough again. “It’s a virus and will run it’s course.  Drink plenty of fluids, get some rest and you should be better in about a week.”

“Oh, okay I guess.  You probably shouldn’t be working, you sound terrible.”

Uh huh.

Thanks.

And you don’t need to see me for a cold either.

 

Numb.

Fingers, that is.

I’ve been struggling all week with numbness in my hand/fingers from holding my cross-stitching pattern. I use my right hand to stitch while my left hand holds the fabric.  My elbow is bent at greater than 90 degrees, so I’m sure I am compressing my ulnar nerve.

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First world problems, I know.

The time has come, I think, to purchase something that allows me the freedom not to use my left hand to hold the fabric for hours at a time.  After several days of research, I decided to purchase a lap stand. I’m not exactly sure how it’s going to work, but in theory it should allow me to rest my left hand since I won’t be using it to hold the fabric.

And the beast that has driven me to purchase this?

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In a Funk.

It’s the middle of January and I’ve run a whopping 18 km.  If I am to meet my goal of running 1000 km this year, I need to be running minimum 20 km per week! I’ve been struggling finding the time and motivation to run. The office has been exceptionally busy thanks to the two weeks off I took over the holidays.  And with the drama the holidays had for me, I didn’t feel particularly rested.  I hardly ran much at all in December (28.5 km) and that inactivity seems to have seeped into this first month of the year.

I acknowledged yesterday that I’m in a running slump. Almost daily I get emails about upcoming races in my area.  I haven’t signed up for anything yet but I think I need to in order to get out of this funk I’m in.  I am also annoyed with my body.  I just can’t seem to go any long stretch of time without an injury, not to mention I feel that after two years of running, I should be able to run more then 3-4 km at a steady pace without walking.  Perhaps that’s too much to ask for?

I also seemed to have lost something when I left Instagram and subsequently deleted my profile.  I lost that connection to other runners (to strangers, really) that I followed on Instagram.  And just saying that makes me angry.  I am angry with how I came to rely on those stupid notifications on my phone that someone liked my latest run photo. 

I wish I could abandon all of it and just go back to that insular quiet little life where no one knows what I’m doing unless they ask or I tell them. This constant need/desire to broadcast one’s life over the Internet and get instant gratification for it is narcissistic and I’m ashamed for allowing myself to get caught up in it. 

So yeah, I’m in a bit of a funk. 

My Brain on Internet.

One of my goals this year is to spend less time on the Internet (oh, the irony, as I write this blog) reading vacuous material and more time in the real word reading real books of substance.

My brother told me about this book over a year ago.  I avoided reading it because I think I already knew what it would tell me.

I spent the last month hardly tied to my phone which was incredibly liberating.  Of course, with the holidays and the illness rampant in my house as well as my dad’s hospitalization, there wasn’t enough time in my day to waste on surfing photos on Instagram.  Now that life has returned to some semblance of normal – the kids are back in school, my dad is home and recuperating and I am back to work – I find myself wanting to go back to old habits.  My brain wants its drug back. I really hope reading this book sets me straight.

A Pain in the Eye, Again.

Three days ago, while I was lying down on the couch, my 2-year-old’s heel made contact with my eye socket.  The pain was excruciating.

Have you ever been kicked in the eye?  I don’t recommend it.  After the shock and nausea wore off, I got up off the couch and tested my eyesight.  No double vision. A good start.  I felt disoriented and a little bit unsteady but eventually after ten minutes or so the acute pain subsided and I was left with a dull ache.

Later that evening however, I developed pain in my neck and behind both eyes that was unlike anything I had experienced before. I get migraine headaches and have had tension headaches as well, but this one was different.  I wasn’t rushing to the ER or anything, as my vision was still normal but even after 1000 mg of Tylenol and 800 mg of Ibuprofen, and an ice pack, the pain wasn’t that much better. I started to wonder if may I had suffered a concussion, but I laughed off that notion. Really? A concussion from a toddler’s heel?  Absurd!

The next day wasn’t much better. I just felt awful all day. My neck was sore too and I just couldn’t get comfortable. Ice on and off, multiple rounds of Ibuprofen and Tylenol, hot shower. I just wanted to sleep.

Could this be a concussion?  Did I have some horrible bruise behind my eye that was compressing my brain?

Of course, my vision was still (and still is) normal so I knew there wasn’t anything horribly wrong with me and after consulting with my colleagues, we diagnosed me with a minor case of whiplash and “toddler’s-heel-in-the-eyeitis”.

I’m getting better. Today was the first day I’ve only needed one round of Ibuprofen. I switched from ice to heat for my neck and I think that really made all the difference.

My eye still hurts though.

1000 km in 2016

At the beginning of 2015, a fellow blogger asked me to join her in a running challenge. We were going to run 1000 km in 2015. 

Well today I got a message from Nike+ informing me that I didn’t quite reach my goal. I improved upon the 600+ km I ran in 2014.

 

I haven’t run in two weeks. I won’t belabour the reasons why, if you’ve been reading my blog you know why. I plan to get back out there this weekend.  My body and mind need it. 

I will try to get closer to the 1000 km goal in 2016. 

What are your goals for this new year?

  

Welcoming 2016

On this final evening of 2015, I sit alone in the basement watching The Vampire Diaries and coloring in my new grown up art book.  My kids are tucked into bed and sound asleep. Husband is out with my best friends at our mutual friends’ NYE party. With my dad having been in hosptial for a week (he’s home now), my mom couldn’t come over to stay with the kids. 

This is the first NYE I’ve spent alone. Ever. I think. Wow. Yeah. 

I  am totally okay with that. It’s actually, probably, the best way I could think of to spend this night. I take care of so many people, I am thrilled to be taking care of myself for one night. 

And since I am no longer posting on Instagram, I don’t have any place other than here and FB to show off my new hobby. 

So, here’s what I’ve been up to over the past few days.  

  

   
 

Happy New Year!!!

May 2016 be filled with health and happiness to you all. 

 

A Bad Week.

It’s Saturday night, I think. Honestly this week has been a blur. I feel terrible complaining because I know for a fact there are others struggling with a lot more this time of year (a few of them are my own patients), but I have to say this has been one of the crappiest weeks I can remember.

It started off with me getting some kid of flu/GI virus that decimated me for close to 36 hours, then I get the phone call that my dad is going to the ER and after spending 15 hours at the hospital he gets admitted. I missed seeing a theater performance of Cinderella with my daughter and my aunt that day. (I’m still really bummed about that).  When I got home that night, around 1am I found my husband in bed with shaking chills. He spent the vast majority of Wednesday in bed. Despite exhaustion, I took my older kids to an indoor play center to blow off some steam. Later that night my brother, wife, stepdaughter, and my best friend came over for an already-planned Christmas Eve-eve dinner. Husband and I were exhausted but it was wonderful to have family over and they helped out by wrapping all of our kids’ Christmas  presents.

Christmas eve saw husband going out for last minute gifts, still unwell.  I took one of the kids to see Pappou in the hospital. The kids watched Santa on Norad as he made his way from Morocco to Ireland, we set out milk and cookies for him and the kids went to bed with zero fuss.  Husband and I settled in to watch our annual holiday classic, “Die Hard”, and promptly went to bed around 10pm.

Christmas morning the kids were up early, as expected.  Christmas gifts were opened in a frenzy.  I had planned on taking all the kids to see Pappou in hospital, so after breakfast everyone got ready, except husband who was still not feeling great.  Over the course of the morning, my older son, the 4.5-year-old, started complaining of a tummy ache.  He barely touched the apple juice he got from my mom, nor the donut.  He looked pale and complained even more about his tummy so we left the hospital after a short visit.  The entire car ride home the little guy was moaning.   As soon as we arrived home, he was curled up on the couch with his new Star Wars blanket.  Ten minutes later, he’s running to the bathroom calling for me and threw up.

Merry f*&king Christmas.

We were expected at my brother-in-laws house for Christmas dinner later that evening.  I called my mother-in-law and told her everything. I wasn’t sure we should bring my son so I warned her that he and my husband may be staying home.

As it usually is with stomach flu, once you throw up you start feeling better.  My son seemed to make a pretty fast recovery and I spent the afternoon watching him build Star Wars Lego. The 7-year-0ld was happily entertained with her new Nintendo 2DS from Santa.

Later that afternoon, with the two boys (husband and son) feeling better we piled into the car and headed west to my brother-in-law’s house.  We were going to arrive about 2 hours late, but I had called my mother-in-law to explain.  When we were about 10 minutes away I suddenly remembered that we, well I, had forgotten the dessert.  Among the chaos of the week, I had gone out to buy two pies and ice cream as we were expected to bring dessert.  We found an open Shoppers Drug Mart and were saved.  Cheesecakes and eclairs to the rescue.  (Seriously though, could this week end already?)

Christmas dinner was lovely.  Husband and I ate but neither of us were particularly hungry.  For me it was likely due to the stress of the week, my appetite has been shot. For husband, well, he was still recovering from the illness.  An hour after dinner, my older son started turning pale again and complained of his tummy hurting.  With profound apologies, we piled back into the car and drove home.  Thankfully he wasn’t sick in the car but he did fall asleep and didn’t wake until almost 9am the following morning.

Boxing Day.   Another trip to the hospital to see my dad.  A relatively uneventful day and I was beginning to think the worst was over when the 2-year-old started screaming.  Husband went to see him and called out – “He threw up.”

OMFG.

That poor little boy emptied his stomach over the course of the next 5 hours.  I slept on a cushion on the floor of his room and he finally stopped dry heaving at 2am.  He was awake at 6:30am as if nothing happened.  Meanwhile husband is curled up in bed, moaning.

Stomach cramps.

What the actual f&#K?

I’m ready for this week, hell, this year, to be over.

Only one person has been spared so far … my daughter.

Pray for me.