20 days left.  20 days of leisure mornings, 20 days of dual parenting, 20 days of summer. 20 days to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  Ha! As if!

October 3rd is the big day.  I am excited to get back to the office, but a little scared too.  What if I’ve forgotten everything? What if my brain, after 5+ months of shitty sleep, just can’t function in a “doctoring” way again?!  I’m so tired these days, I could just fall asleep as I write this.  I suppose it doesn’t help that I’ve had a migraine since last Thursday.  Ugh.

Before I left the office in April, we implemented a new electronic medical record (EMR, for short).  It was a big deal for my colleagues, but couldn’t have come sooner for me.  My partners have been in practice for 15-20 years so the idea of transitioning from paper to electronic charts was quite daunting for them.  Since I had trained on EMR in residency, it was a no-brainer for me, and we actually chose the system I trained on, so going “live” was relatively painless, and my locum has been using it for the past 5 months.  So, in a way, I haven’t totally been out of the loop. I can log in from home and see the daysheets, review the notes from the day, keep up with what’s going on with my patients. I’ve even spoken to a few of my patients over the course of my leave – one is dying of a neuroendocrine pancreatic tumor, and another is fighting breast cancer (she’s a year younger than me).  So all in all, I feel like I’ve been able to keep updated with what’s going on at the office and with my patients, even though I’m not there.

Will I miss the kids when I’m back at work?  Honestly, probably not very much.  Sounds horrible to say, but it’s the truth.  I am a much better mommy when I’m able to go to work, feel productive and useful.  Not that I don’t feel that way with my kids, it’s just different.  I don’t get the same kind of intellectual stimulation from my kids that I get from my job, my colleagues and patients. I mean, that’s obvious right?  Some women can be with their kids day in and day out. Some women are just natural stay at home parents.  I am not.  And I’m okay with that. And thank goodness, my husband is too!  His dream job is staying home and raising our kids.  I’m a very lucky woman.

So.. 20 days left. Yay!