I am lucky to have children

Having children wasn’t something I grew up wanting.  I was too focused on becoming a doctor.  I knew I wanted to be a doctor from the age of 13.  By the time I got into medical school, I was 25 and single.  For most of my med school training I just didn’t think it would happen for me.  I didn’t think I’d meet the man I’d want to spend my life with, let alone have children with. I used to joke with my best friend in medical school, that if neither one of us had met the men of our dreams by age 35, we’d have a baby together.  Well, I did, and so did he.

The love of my life wanted children from a very young age.  He had always been around children as his step-siblings were 10 years older and had children when he was a young teenager.  He knew how to change diapers.  It was foreign territory for me.  Despite having treated children in residency and have them in my practice, I really knew next to nothing about being a mom.  What’s so hard about being a mom?

Well, getting pregnant turned out to be harder than I thought.  Irregular periods, possible PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), starting a practice, buying a home, and planning a wedding proved to be far too much for a little embryo to handle.  We struggled for more than a year to conceive. Meanwhile, I had patient after patient coming in to my office pregnant on the first or second try, and then my best-friend conceived easily, making it all a very difficult year.  What was wrong with me? with my body? that a little embryo couldn’t make a home in my uterus?

I eventually figured out exactly what the problem was.  Stress. My infertility specialist suggested I take a break, go back on birth control for a few months to help with the horrendous acne, plan my wedding and go on a honeymoon.  My daughter was born 9 months and 1 day after I got married.   No fertility patient wants to hear that stress might be affecting her ability to conceive.  But for me, it was completely to blame.  Still, my husband and I never took it for granted that we’d conceive a second time, so when the time came to start trying, we weren’t expecting it to happen quickly.

We were wrong.  I conceived quickly and my son was born 29 months after my daughter.

I adore my children.  I am extremely lucky to have them.  I still see countless women in my office who still struggle to conceive and I see the pain in their eyes when they see the photographs of my children in my office.  I wish I could take their pain away.  For some, I know that pain will cease, for others it’s there permanently.

I am reminded almost daily of how extraordinarily fortunate I am.

 

3 thoughts on “I am lucky to have children

  1. I feel the same way. I am also incredibly lucky that I had a 35 weeker and he did not need any medical interventions. Some babies and parents aren’t so lucky.

    Great post!

  2. So funny- I swore my whole life I would never have children. I was too dedicated to my career. I was going to work abroad, do international health, travel, never settle down. I waited quite a long time- and then one day in my late 30’s my body said “Stop! Put down roots and procreate, now!!” It took awhile to get pregnant, and our first L+D was quite complicated– but we did it, and here we are with two perfectly healthy babies. Now, they are our whole life! I am so lucky. And grateful. And happy. And my friends who were there when I swore I would never have kids, will never let me live it down!

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