I had a dream last night which has deeply unsettled me. It was about someone I knew for decades but we had a falling out a few years ago and haven’t spoken since. In this dream we were talking and putting things back together and it felt good. My friend was different. I was different. Our conversation was open, honest, without any egos. In my dream state I felt whole again, not realizing that I had an emptiness to fill.
I woke up early this morning to run with a girlfriend. It was 6:10am and I surprisingly felt quite refreshed and eager to start the day. I could feel the cool morning breeze coming through the window and my world seemed right.
As I searched in the dark for my running clothes, the memories of the dream flooded my consciousness. Suddenly, reality set in and I remembered that nothing had changed. In that moment I realized it had all been a dream. None of it was real.
I felt profoundly sad and instantly defeated.
Damn the heart.
Damn the mind.
Sometimes I wish I had done things differently.