I had a dream last night which has deeply unsettled me. It was about someone I knew for decades but we had a falling out a few years ago and haven’t spoken since. In this dream we were talking and putting things back together and it felt good. My friend was different. I was different. Our conversation was open, honest, without any egos. In my dream state I felt whole again, not realizing that I had an emptiness to fill.
I woke up early this morning to run with a girlfriend. It was 6:10am and I surprisingly felt quite refreshed and eager to start the day. I could feel the cool morning breeze coming through the window and my world seemed right.
As I searched in the dark for my running clothes, the memories of the dream flooded my consciousness. Suddenly, reality set in and I remembered that nothing had changed. In that moment I realized it had all been a dream. None of it was real.
I felt profoundly sad and instantly defeated.
Damn the heart.
Damn the mind.
Sometimes I wish I had done things differently.
This is the final week of my thirties.
I’m getting old.
Or am I?
I remember turning 30 and thinking that was a big deal. I was a newly-minted doctor, in the first year of my residency and just a little bit terrified. Terrified of suddenly being an adult. Working full-time, saving money for a house, trying to pay down my debt. I moved three more times before settling in my home. I paid some debt off while incurring a bit more. Yet, the decade that followed surpassed all of my wildest expectations. I started my career, I married the love of my life, I bought a house, had three beautiful children, met some wonderful people who became my closest friends.
So, it’s a bit strange to say goodbye to that decade. When I look back on who I was at 30, while I do recognize that young woman, I have grown and experienced so much. I am starting this new decade with much more confidence than I’ve ever had and I truly believe the best is yet to come.
The birthday celebrations have already begun. Last weekend, husband and I had a wonderful night out with one of his closest friends. We experienced a night on the town unlike any we’ve had in quite some time. It started off with a vodka bar and ended with a ping-pong game at a local club. Ping pong! In between there was a fabulous dinner, lively conversation and a couple of sore feet.
You see, I rarely wear heels. My poor little feet were aching by the end of the night and I had to take off my shoes. In the middle of downtown, I took off my shoes and walked the streets. It was exhilarating!
I think I’m going to like 40.
I have never posted twice in one day, let alone thrice!
Well, the second post of the day was a re-blogged post, but I digress.
The reason for the third post today???
My firstborn is growing up!!
After brushing her teeth she told me she could feel something rough with her tongue behind her bottom center tooth. So, I looked and was shocked to see her adult tooth poking through the gum. Then I pushed on the baby tooth in front of it, and sure enough, it’s loose.
Just a few weeks ago, she was asking us when she’d lose her first tooth as she has several friends in her class who have lost teeth. We told her it would happen when her tooth was ready.
And golly, it’s ready.
The only concern I have is the location of the adult tooth – it’s coming up behind the milk tooth. Is that even normal?!? I’m afraid the amount of dentistry I learned in medical school was, well, minimal would be an understatement.
If there are any dentists out there, should I worry? Do we need to do anything?